1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
Last year I read a simple, interesting book called “How Full is Your Bucket.”
I didn’t realize it at the time, but the book was extremely influential on me. Even now, rarely does a week go by where I do not think of the book’s simple message and see it’s usefulness in real life.
The Argument:
Despite being based in decades of scientific research, the concept is so simple it could be in a kid’s book (actually, it is in a kid’s book). Everybody has an imaginary “bucket” and “ladle.” When you say something encouraging or positive to another person, you fill their bucket. Most of us realize this, but we fail to notice that filling another person’s bucket also fills our own bucket.
Conversely, when we say something degrading or negative to another person, we dip out of their bucket. Again, when we dip out of someone’s bucket, we also dip out of our own bucket. It’s ironic, because most people who say condescending things are trying to feel better about themselves, but ultimately it makes them feel worse.
Negativity breeds negativity, and positivity creates positivity. The book had several fascinating case studies. Businesses around the country with negative work environments or negative employees lose billions of dollars every year compared to those in positive environments. They also predicted marriage success rates incredibly accurately after observing couples positive and negative interactions for merely 15 minutes.
It is seriously insane how much of a difference negativity or positivity can make in your life and the lives of others, but no case study stuck out to me more than the following:
The Korean War
Did you know that more Americans died in Korean Prisoner of War (POW) camps than in any other POW camp from any other war? They never even touched the soldiers physically, they simply destroyed them through negativity.
They had several methods for destroying hope. First, they had group “therapy” sessions where men had to share about all of their regrets, but were never allowed to talk about success. Second, they encouraged men to be snitches and tell on others by offering rewards. Third, they withheld all encouraging mail (love letters, prayer letters, etc) and only delivered the negative mail (past due bills, wives who gave up, etc).
There were other methods of course, but their goal was to make the men feel isolated and alone, without hope. It worked. Countless men simply curled up in bed and refused to move until they died from hopelessness. I never knew the destructive power of negativity could be so strong, but it is.
Negativity Today
Somehow, we excuse negativity in today’s culture. People say horrible things on the internet and behind each other’s backs, but somehow we justify it by saying it quickly or adding “bless his heart” at the end.
If we continue to be negative, it is going to continue to hurt others and ourselves. We’ll hate our jobs, more marriages will fail, and we’ll even lose hope in mankind. The effects of bullying has been in the news a lot over the last few years, and its quite clear that the effects of negativity are not changing.
Here’s my challenge to youth ministers:
Are you creating an encouraging work environment? Or do you spend too much focussing on the failures of your co-workers and student leaders? While people need to be held accountable for their mistakes, if we only focus on this we will kill their productivity.
Think of a creative way to demonstrate your appreciation to your volunteers and student leaders. Figure out what will help them the most and then fill their bucket!
Encourage your students to be more uplifting as well. The best way to do this is through example. Encouragement is contagious, and it can create an incredible culture of ministry.
Although it is not a Christian book, it is a quick and fascinating read. You can find it on Amazon right here: How Full is your Bucket?
When did someone say something encouraging to you? How did it impact you?